


Len & Mick Aren't RAs Dammit

by Hiver_Frost_Elf



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Educational, Gen, Humor, Living Together, Rogues Gallery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-04
Updated: 2018-07-17
Packaged: 2019-01-08 20:10:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12261252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hiver_Frost_Elf/pseuds/Hiver_Frost_Elf
Summary: yet it sure feels like they are





	1. Food & Drinks

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a conversation between two RAs I overheard on the bus today.
> 
> Can we all just collectively agree to call Team Flash members Flashers???
> 
> This is a public service announcement to ensure your Easy Mac has water in it before you microwave it.

Len just finished taping some posters in the communal kitchen with several eyewitnesses when one of them—Shawna—scoffed, “Everybody knows how to microwave Easy Mac; the instructions are on the package!”

The rest of the Rogues murmured in agreement, claiming such posters were insulting their intelligence.  Len glared at them blearily when they claimed to know how to adult.

* * *

Len and Lisa were out on a sibling bonding heist.  It was a little after midnight, so Mick was dozing in dreamland, yet he bolted awake and rushed down the hall when Mark burst into his and Len’s bedroom screaming, “AXEL’S DYING!!!”

Mick was envisioning their resident prankster bleeding to death with his head cracked open, not passed out on the floor by incriminating beer cans.

Mick lugged Axel into the van to take him to the hospital, Mark fretting and hovering over the moron who didn’t know his limits.  Their resident ginger had clearly never seen anybody drunk before, or at least not this drunk.

* * *

Len called out to the living room where the younger Rogues were duking it out in Mario Kart, “Whose pizza’s in the oven?”

“Mine!” Axel grinned, his hand shooting up excitedly.

Len crooked his finger sternly, “C'mere.”

Axel scampered over, expecting a fully cooked pizza.  What he saw was that Len had shut the oven off and opened the door.

“What do you see here?”

“Cold pizza.”

“On what?”

“...A rack thingy???”

“Do you see anything at all wrong with this picture?”

Axel’s eyebrows stitched together thoughtfully, “Wait, it has to go on something?”

Len sighed, “Yes, Axel, you need to put your food on something.”

* * *

“Yo, what's up with the fire at STAR Labs?” Mark piped up when Len and Mick came home from helping the heroes arrest an especially violent meta.

Mick hung up his coat tiredly, “Ya know those posters y’all think are stupid?  We need more of those now.”

The younger Rogues tilted their heads puppyishly off to the side until Len related the tale of one of the Flashers forgetting to pour water into the bowl and the microwave exploding in protest.


	2. None of this Goes in the Microwave

It has come to my attention that you people are morons.  To prevent me from freezing what poor, overworked gerbils inhabit the space that's intended for your brain, kindly refrain from inserting the following items in the microwave.

  * Eggs--teach a Rogue to hard boil, they can feed themselves for life; toss an egg into the microwave, the replacement is coming out of your cut.
  * Frozen Meat
  * Styrofoam
  * Pots
  * Soap
  * Takeout Containers
  * Nothing--never start a microwave when nothing's in it.
  * Scavenger Hunt Items--that goes for the oven as well.
  * Grapes
  * Glow Sticks
  * CDs/DVDs
  * Phones
  * Phone Cases
  * Phone Books
  * Anything assembled, mixed, or in any other way prepared by Axel or James
  * Nail Polish
  * Brochures/Pamphlets
  * Sticky Notes
  * Newspapers
  * Paper Bags
  * Bills
  * Expired Credit Cards
  * Current Credit Cards
  * Raisins--I thought you'd infer this from the inclusion of grapes on this list.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart for correcting me.
  * Metal--including aluminum foil
  * Plaster
  * Sugar
  * Unlidded Red Sauce
  * Wedding Rings
  * Keys
  * Contact Lenses
  * Glasses
  * Baseballs
  * Miniature Microwaves--especially when you intend to microwave something inside the mini microwave while you microwave the mini microwave
  * Flarrow Merch
  * Sticks
  * Dice
  * Tape
  * Tickets of Any Kind
  * Ticks




	3. House Rules

  * Never shop legally where you shop illegally; mixed messages are rude as hell.
  * Everybody should know how to lockpick, escape handcuffs, and hotwire a car.
  * There is no I in “team”, but there is a U in “back-up”, so **U** better be there.
  * No heisting or driving under any influences.
  * If you seek permission to do something involving powers indoors, the answer will be no.



> No fair!!! Mick starts fires with his powers all the time!
> 
> In the **fireplace** , Mark.  Your winter wonderland has melted into an ocean.  We can literally **kayak** down there.

  * Caffeine is strictly prohibited after sundown.



> SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK!!!
> 
> This message’s composer was found passed out on the floor.

  * FNAF and all related survival horror games are prohibited after 10pm. None of you are ready for Freddy, Joy of Creation, Rachel, Candy, or Flumpty.



> Except Mark
> 
> **I AM THE KING OF FIVE NIGHTS AT FREDDY’S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

  * Heists in jewelry stores are not to be delayed because you’re searching for something that matches your outfit.



> Technically, I was looking for something that matches my shoes.
> 
> Here, Axel, try this padlock necklace.
> 
> Oh yay! Thanks, Boo <3

  * Stop challenging Mark to Rainbow Road.
  * No challenging Axel to Impossible Quiz speed runs.
  * All Elder Scrolls-related inquiries are to be fielded to Shawna.
  * No challenging Hartley in chess or Jeopardy.
  * No challenging Lisa to dance-offs or karaoke/singing competitions.
  * No challenging Len to bake-offs.
  * No challenging Mick to cook-offs.
  * Axel, stop telling your teammates the wrong procedures in Keep Talking and Nobody Dies. The goal is to  **defuse**  the bomb, not to blow it up.
  * Stop shouting “Castform, I choose you!” when calling for Mark’s help during a fight. It was mildly amusing the first time, but you all have used it fifty-three times since then.
  * On that note, stop telling me to “let it go”.
  * Mick and I will never duet Snow Miser and Heat Miser in front of you losers.



> “In front of you losers” means you’ve done it—Hart Attack!
> 
> Hacking footage now.
> 
> You’re not going to find anything.
> 
> Yes, he will!  Hartley can find anything!

  * Stop saying “Michael/Lincoln, you have to break Lincoln/Michael outta prison!” whenever Mick or I get caught.



> What do you say when we’re both caught???
> 
> “Time to plan another prison break!”

  * Whoever swapped my theatrical edition Star Wars set with the edited trash better bring it back **now**.
  * Watch out for Hartley’s rats.



> MY BABIES!!!

  * No.



> I didn’t even ask yet!
> 
> I’m your older brother, you don’t need to.

  * Mark, no making it rain over people you’re fighting with.
  * Same goes for politicians you hate.
  * If it’s not labeled, it’s fair game.
  * Heists are also not to be interrupted for Pokémon Go-related reasons.
  * *sigh*
  * No phones while driving. Either pull over or ignore it.  No call/message is more important than your life.
  * And on that note, grow up and buckle up. Do you want to be comfy or do want to be alive?
  * My answer is still no.



> Jerk
> 
> Train wreck


	4. Pride Heist 20gayteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We're queer, we're here to steal your gear!!!" Axel cackled on the security footage.
> 
> "Oh, no, Captain Singh is calling me to fill out a report," Barry read a text in mock horror. "Guess I can't save the day!"
> 
> "And I absolutely can't breach over there. Just got back from Earth-2, and I'm still recovering calories," Cisco sipped a Big Belly Buster.
> 
> "And the STAR Labs van is broken, so we can't use that either," Caitlin shrugged. "Oh, darn. Those rascally Rogues will surely get away with the goods! However will Rathaway Industries go on?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter this time around. Whatever. Quality > Quantity
> 
> Stay safe and have fun at pride, y’all! Or just write fanfiction like me if crowds and parades aren’t your thing or you otherwise won’t or can’t attend.
> 
> Also, don't do illegal things, even if the victim of the illegal things is homophobic, transphobic, etc.

“Who the hell dyed my parka raindow???”

“It’s pride month, Lenny!” Axel grinned, clad in aro array.

“Of course, I know it’s pride month!”

Hitting Rathaway Industries was an annual tradition for the Rogues Gallery.  Hartley would be attending in a rainbow hoodie, Lisa as the Golden Bider, Mark had the transgender flag emblazoned on the back of his bomber jacket for Clyde, Mick had an ace jacket, and Shaun had a genderfluid telescope.

"Captain Cold needs pride swag, too!"

Len wouldn't argue with that, however...

“Pan colors are pink, yellow, and blue, Axel.”

“Oh! Uh, hold on, Parka Dad!”

Len rolled his eyes as Axel disappeared into the basement.  He settled in and edited the latest chapter of his poly Avengers fic.  He’d posted it and responded to several comments which made him smile by the time Axel returned with a panka.  Axel mewled when Len proudly patted his head.

Len donned his coat and cocked his gun, “Move out, Rogues!”


	5. America Writes on Dunkin'

_I will not eat all of the donuts. I will not eat all of the donuts. I will not eat all of the donuts. I will not eat all of the donuts. I will not eat all of the donuts. I will not eat all of the donuts. I will not eat all of the donuts. I will not eat all of the donuts. I will not eat all of the donuts. I will not eat all of the donuts. I will not eat all of the donuts. I will not eat all of the donuts. I will not eat all of the donuts. I will not eat all of the donuts. I will not eat all of the donuts. I will not eat all of the donuts. I will not eat all of the donuts. I will not eat all of the donuts. I will not eat all of the donuts. I will not eat all of the donuts. I will not eat all of the donuts. I will not eat all of the donuts. I will not eat all of the donuts. I will not eat all of the donuts. I will not eat all of the donuts. I will not eat all of the donuts. I will not eat all of the donuts. I will not eat all of the donuts. I will not eat all of the donuts. I will not eat all of the donuts. I will not eat all of the donuts. I will not eat all of the donuts. I will not eat all of the donuts. I will not eat all of the donuts. I will not eat all of the donuts. I will not eat all of the donuts. I will not eat all of the donuts. I will not eat all of the donuts. I will not eat all of the donuts. I will not eat all of the donuts. I will not eat all of the donuts. I will not eat all of the donuts. I will not eat all of the donuts. I will not eat all of the donuts. I will not eat all of the donuts. I will not eat all of the donuts. I will not eat all of the donuts. I will not eat all of the donuts. I will not eat all of the donuts. I will not eat all of the donuts._

“My arm’s gonna fall off!” Axel whined.  He wanted to curl up and sugar crash in peace, but eating half a dozen donuts had consequences.

“Great work,” Len patted Axel’s back. “Now write it fifty more times with your left hand.”

Axel moaned.


	6. Men & Boys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [inspired by this](http://razzleyd.tumblr.com/post/175992506236/otp-imagines-cult-imagine-your-otp-putting-an)

“Mick, what are you doing?” asked Shawna.

“Tanning,” Mick said, sprawled out on his floaty with thick sunglasses.

“In a pool?”

“Yep.”

“Inside another pool.”

“Don’t see whatcher so hung up about.  You’re one of the smart Rogues.”

“Yeah, but... Mick,” Shawna motioned to the inflatable pool inside the above ground luxury they’d splurged for this year.

“Man needs his own pool, Shawna.”

“The other men seem to be just fine sharing.”

“That’s cuz they ain’t men; they’re boys.”

Shawna rolled her eyes then smirked, “Even Len?”

“Ya fuckin’ me? Lenny’s the boyest one of ‘em—plays with a Flash doll—”

“Ashun fiyyur!” Len yelled from the bonfire, gums sticky with the remnants of a s’more.

“Eats nothin’ but sweets, ‘ll only drink hot chocolate with mini marshmallows; ‘s only a mattera time ‘fore one of ‘em pees or farts in it.”

“Ew!”

“‘Scape while ya can; Mark and Axel ate beans like they were goin’ outta style.”

_A short bit later..._

“Heyyy, Shawna,” Mark swaggered on up to where she was lightly dozing with calming music. “Wanna join us?”

Shawna didn’t even take out her earbuds, “Hell, no.”

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for taking time to read this ;3 enjoy what you do here and everywhere :)


End file.
